River of Hope
May 5th, 2009
It’s early Saturday morning and everyone in the neighbourhood is still asleep. The sun has yet to rise and I’m sitting alone in the living room with a cup of coffee gazing at my dog lying peacefully asleep on the floor. I open the garage door and wheel my motorbike outside. The air is still and dormant, but I’m going to disturb its sleep. I turn on the ignition and she’s barely awake. Her sweet roar wakes up my dog but even he doesn’t know why I’m up so early. I go back inside to get away from the cold. I strap on my boots and pull up my pants. I place my helmet and gloves outside and say goodbye to my dog. I open the gate, put on my jacket, backpack, helmet and gloves and I set off.
It’s only 6 in the morning so I take it easy. My changes are slow but smooth. Cool air seeps through the vents in my jacket. There’s not a soul on the road so I ride carelessly which is, well, not the smartest ideas I’ve had. I reach the house which my dad built but I keep going up the hill and around bends. It’s fun having the whole road to yourself with no one to slow you down. While it’s enjoyable to ride around in the early hours, I have a plan to go to the beach at sunrise.
I see a glimpse of light on the horizon so I rush back to where I live. She roars towards the beach with me controlling her. I feed her through the corners and she responds to my doing. It’s not a relationship where she’s a slave to me but it’s more of a symbiotic relationship. I have to give her love by constantly maintaining it and she gives me joy by giving a view of the world that I’ve longed for years. I finally get to the beach and I find a sturdy bench so I can watch the sunrise. I let her rest by switching her off. I take off my helmet and gloves and sit down. I search my backpack for my iPod and headphones. I’ve wanted to play this artist in a place for some time now where it has more meaning than me sitting next to my computer listening to her. I press a few buttons and start listening to “Kuon no Kawa”. The sun breaks into the sky with its shining glory, lighting up the dark sky.
All I need now is a cigarette between my fingers. Sadly though, I don’t smoke but I’m quite…keen? I don’t know but it just feels natural after having a ride and popping off the helmet and taking a cigarette.
“Kuon no Kawa” is an interesting song from alan because the instruments which introduce the song puts you in a mood for a happy song but after that introduction its…well, happy is one of the words that would be hard to use to describe this song. This song has hope oozing out of it. The way alan vocalises the song has ‘hope’ imprinted into every single word of this song. It’s not just alan, but the instrumentals feels like it longs for something or wants to attain something which is hard to get. Personally, I’ve watched the first movie of “Red Cliff” and I know what “should happen” in the second instalment of the movie. It’s something about defending a river…or something to do with defending something important. Alan does a beautiful job of telling the story by the fluctuations in her tone. The prominent crescendo builds up from the verses could mean the enemy has attacked and the gorgeous wailing means something along the lines of the last effort in order to defend whatever they’re defending. It’s the faith to stay behind to defend and protect your loved ones and the strength to keep you alive. It’s also the underlying faith in the cause you are fighting for. You wouldn’t stab someone with a sword unless it’s for a purpose and it’s for that purpose you fight for.
But it also feels like this song is about two lovers and one is going to well, war. The hope to see your lover after the war, the faith that he will return in her arms, the struggle of knowing nothing. But there is not just hope and faith to see your loved one again but on the other side there is strength to fight for your side and for your lover but also the strength to keep you alive in order to see your loved one. The song is multi-dimensional so how each story unfolds is endless.
The whole piece is composed and sung with great emphasis on the storyline of the movie. I still can’t get over how epic the end wailing sounds. While I would like more of her wailing, it wouldn’t have been appropriate in any other places than “there”.
Hope and faith, two virtues which are prominent in this song for me personally, have made me think not just about the story that alan paints with her vocals but also about certain situations of my own. Obviously, I’m not going to fight a war or get myself in any trouble but there are certain things I’ve lacked hope and faith, mainly about my future. I don’t know why I have a habit of posting these kinda things online instead of talking to people personally but hell, at least it gives me something to write about.
But coming to a revelation about how uncertain the future is, is extremely scary. Sure, having some sort of tertiary education helps to pave a path but the mist remains when I look forward. I built myself a foundation by attending secondary school and going into tertiary education to hopefully build a bridge into adulthood. Obviously, I understood how uncertain the future is for every individual but I never imagined it to be this uncertain. I have hopes and aspirations as everyone does, but to achieve these dreams is a long and patchy path. So I think, I worked hard to get where I am now to build a foundation where I can achieve some of these dreams but why should I work hard if the future is bleak and that I’m basically walking into the unknown. The puzzle pieces should fit the overall picture, but it doesn’t. I’m not asking to be spoon-fed my future, but I just want some certainty. The lack of faith and hope I have after graduating is concerning, even though I try to stay optimistic.
Listening to “Kuon no Kawa” gives me a sense of hope that the future will be alright if I always take the initiative, which sadly, I’m not doing now. I need to understand that the future is bright and not bleak and the education that I’m enrolled in will provide me with the necessary skills in order for me to flourish after I graduate.
But the sad thing is, I’ve been so worried about my own future that I clearly forget about people which are close to me who do not have a choice. They face a bleak reality everyday with only their dreams and the unconditional love of their peers to hold on to. While I understand its natural for human’s to be naturally selfish but it’s somewhat concerning. I get some tied up about myself and how my future is when others are as intelligent as me but are less fortunate and cannot even dare to even imagine to think about future when their current lives are tough. So really I shouldn’t be thinking about how I’m gonna turn out but rather that I’m one of the lucky ones.
I take one last deep breath of the ocean, I slip on my helmet and I make my way back home.
Tags: alan
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